EMPTY NEST ANGST

Leave it to us Baby Boomers. We don't know how to do anything halfway. We were the definition of obsessive when it came to our (now grown) children.  We lived by the credo that you cannot love your kid too much.  We put our kids names on lists for pre school, nursery school, kindergarten, private school and whatever else we could find. That was before real school even began.

We followed the bus to school on the first day and watched to make sure he or she found their way into the building. We attended all school meetings and functions. Of course, we drove them everywhere.

We knew the principal, the counselor, the nurse, the janitor, the bus driver, the other parents. We took off from work, if we worked, and volunteered for field trips, fundraisers, PTA, teacher's helpers. We scheduled play dates. We signed the kids up for swimming, karate, ballet, tap, gymnastics, baseball, soccer, tennis, cub scouts, brownies, boy scouts, girl scouts, chess, vacation camps, AAU teams, summer camps. You name it.

Husband coached football, little league and basketball. I fetched and dropped off the players (had the entire football team packed into the car one time). Waited for tardy parents without getting upset - because I understood especially when you have multiple kids all playing sports.

Witnessed first hand the crappy behavior of too many parents overestimating their kids talents and pushing too hard. I'd like to blame the husband for being over zealous. But, I got caught up too. Had to force myself not to run out on the field when sonny fell running from first to second. Ran to get into the ambulance each time a kid got hit by a hard ball.

We baked cookies and cakes to take to schools on their birthdays until that was banned. Then we just took store bought.

Don't forget the birthday parties. We bought dresses and shoes and gifts when all the girls in the class were invited, at least once a month, if not every week, to a birthday party with pizza, cake and a clown and that was just kindergarten. (So happy our kid was included)

With our son, we kept neutral faces when unknown mothers dropped off the friends, without notice or invitation,  and yelled "thanks for inviting him" as they pulled away. Then we looked guilty when the pick up parent came and we had to go fetch the unattended kid from the pond, the creek, the park or the woods as we tried to explain the muddy shoes and different shirt.

Then came the parade of "not at home" birthday parties at the pool, Chucky Cheese, Discovery Zone, the skating rink, bowling, the park, the zoo.

The teen parties,the games at school and out of town, the angst when the kid was left to sit on the bench during games, our sheer joy when our kid played and scored or did just about anything. We fought and complained if our kid didn't play and scoured the universe to find an adequate AAU team. We travelled all over creation for games, staying at crappy motels every weekend during AAU and little league season. You think our kids are now professional athletes - not hardly.

We wound down for the prom, graduations, the college visits, the college applications, begged the kid to get one more reference letter from a teacher, the driver's license, the SATs, the FAFSA, the pack up the car to take the kid to college, lugging all that stuff up four flights of stairs, tracking down carts for the load, the calls, the visits, the hunting down someone at the school to check in on my kid when she seemed to not know what to do, the trips home and back.

The backing away, the letting go, the waiting to be called, the not butting in, the graduation, the decision to come home to find a job (Thank God). Whew!!! The rude awakening when the kid found out that their first job would be entry level with entry level pay. The even ruder awakening when the kids realized they might have to live at home because they couldn't afford a place of their own. Woe is me.

Now I'm burned out. How could they stand us? Our happiness depended completely on their happiness. But I miss it. Of course, it doesn't just end there. One kid finally escaped and moved in with her boyfriend. The other kid is still trying to find his way and still lives at home. But, I no longer can tell him what to do. Can't take him here nor there. Can't run his life and make everything all right.

They have spun me off. I'm on my own. Me and my husband. I wish I had saved some of that energy for me. That's what I'm looking for now. I never thought about the possibility of an empty nest. Never thought it could happen to me.

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